Inkindoze

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

"This service you do not only helps the needs of God's people, it also brings many more thanks to God. It is a proof of your faith. Many people will praise God because you obey the Good News...and because you freely share with them and with all others." II Corinthians 9: 12-13 (New Century Version)

Today we went to helped build a fence around this land where a school was. When we got there we saw a group of little kids and a teacher. Most of them were preschool age, and they were super adorable. Their teacher was having them quote the days of the week, months of the year, and body parts. It was too cute. Okay, I have to take a break from writing about this and write about some stuff we just talked about during devotions.

Tonight's devotions were incredible. The Spirit of the Living God came down on all of us. I felt him so powerfully for the first time in a long time. The night before we left I was so upset and discouraged because I went to church and everyone around me was praying, some were crying, and they all seemed so in touch with God and I didn't feel a thing. Lately nothing about God has made me emotional, or able to feel anything. I have been feeling pretty numb and pretty empty and totally void of God's presence in my life. I was concerned that feeling would follow me to Africa and that is not what is happening.

God has touched my heart in many different ways, many different times, and for that I am grateful. Today in devotions Joe asked us how we have seen Jesus since we've been here. Everyone was talking about the Swazis and those who are here leading the way, like Andy and Amy, the Luke Commission, the HIV/AIDS Task Force, the leaders of the schools, etc. We also talked about how we have seen Jesus in everyone on the team, and even in ourselves, working in our lives, and hearts. One important aspect I think I see with the Swazis is their motives. They all have such pure hearts and a willingness to help and serve where they are needed. I think a lot of times in the States we do things out of the wrong motives, like beefing up college applications, or job applications. Community service is done so we get the glory, not in order for God to be glorified. We want people to look at us and think, "My, what a great servant for the Lord...what a great heart--what a great Christian." The people in Swaziland see the need of their fellow man and are compelled out of love for them, and for God to do what they can to help. They don't care what they look like, or about making a name for themselves, or building up a good reputation in their community. These people are following the basics of the Gospel. Love God. Love People. this is God's command for all of us. I get too caught up in living the day to day life, and doing my own thing. I guess my question for this trip is "What can I do to integrate serving God more in my every day life? What does serving God look like over the summer when I am working and hanging our with friends? What does serving God look like at my family reunion?" I don't mean just "being a Christian". I mean what does SERVING look like? When I am away from this environment, and around people who are all Christians, serving God by day, and talking about his work at night. When I am away from this, how will  I continue to live my faith out loud to show Christ's love for those around me? What does serving God look like every day at MVNU while I am going to classes and being around my friends? These are questions I have been pondering.

Tonight during devotions Joe got really serious about the Holy Spirit filling us. I've heard many, many messages about the Holy Spirit. But tonight Joe put it to us in such a powerful way. He pulled out a bunch of Greek words which I don't remember. But he said God's desire is to fill each of us with the Spirit, and when we were willing for this to happen, then we become martyrs for Christ. Once we are filled with the Hold Spirit, then we are giving our lives to Christ, we are saying its okay if I die to spread the Gospel. We have to be willing to give our life. Willing to say, "I'm okay with dying." In History and Faith this past semester I learned that all of the 11 remaining disciples besides John were martyrs. (John died of old age) Its not about just risking our earthly possessions, or our desires, or those we love most, but our very lives, our very being just to serve him. I had never connected the filling of the Holy Spirit with martyrdom, and had never really considered the possibility that I could die for the sake of Christ. Joe's question really made me think about where I'm willing to go in Christ's name.  I feel called to teach in an inner city school. I'm scared to death. I don't want to teach there. I would much rather go to a nice suburban school and teach with smart boards and Mac computers children from good families who are college-bound. That would be easy. But I have such a burden on my heart for the broken ones. The kids from the abusive homes, homes plagued with alcohol and drug addiction. I want to bring Christ to those kids. I want to give them hope, and a chance to reach their full potential. Its not a place that is easy to go. But I want to make a difference. I want to take a risk for the gospel. I want the Holy Spirit to fill my heart in such a way that dying for Him is not a fear, but a privelege. I don't want to go back to the U.S. the same. I want to make a change. I want to serve more people. I want to have better attitudes. God has stretched me on this trip. He has helped me rely on Him and those around me, instead of the comfort of my family, even though I miss them and am getting anxious to go home. He has enabled me to find the positive about everything, and to let things roll off my back more easily, and not get to me. He has helped me to not complain or gossip about others on the trip. And God has given me grace to not be jealous or get a bad attitude. I still have struggles, but I am working through them.

God has shown me my value to His kingdom, and the value of the call to teach He has placed on my life, to say He has control, not me.  I don't need to lead my own life. Those are the things God has taught my heart over the last week.

During dinner tonight I talked to Marg from the Canada team. She is here with her son, Campbell, who is only 16, and her daughter, Stacy, who is only a couple years older than us. They brought along their friend, Niri, who is super sweet. They are working on a huge project Campbell has had a vision for since '08 when they were here (in Swaziland) before. He wanted to put a library in aq school. Well,

they ended up getting 12,000 books which they are now placing in 40 schools. So they have been here while we have, and God's been doing cool things in their lives, and using them to bring these books to the children of Africa. So I was talking to Marg about their project, and our trips. She asked me my favorite thing so far, and I said the task force. I just really enjoyed visiting people who no one usually sees, and being able to give them something to help their situation. As we were talking it dawned on me, and I shared with her that I'm so glad I know ways I can help now. Before I feel I only had a tiny piece of the puzzle, but now I can fit it into the big picture. Like the eyeglasses--its great to see how the Luke Commission uses the glasses to improve the quality of life for the Swazis. And now I know the SIFE team has need of sanitary pads to distribute during the hygiene presentations at the schools. Now I have names of organizations, and names and faces to go with projects that can be done. Now that I have been here  I can better see how to help. I feel I have a clearer understanding of the situation. Its not just some far-off place I'm dreaming of, or the Christian fairy tale everyone makes missions in Africa out to be. I've been here. I've seen the emergency. I've also seen the ways the people here are helping, and what I can do to help them. That's exciting to me.

Lastly, today I will get back to what we did today, which is where I started before we did devotions and I had a hundred thoughts to get out. Today, I, along with the other girls got to play with the preschoolers. We had a language barrier, which was difficult with such little ones, but we managed to love them through our actions. We brought them toys, like jump ropes, soft balls, bouncy balls, silly bands, stickers, coloring books, and play dough. It was fun to just play with them. I played with one little girl for a while, building blocks, and I played play dough with several of the kids.  We learned that most of the children were single-orphans, meaning one parent had passed away. Many were double-orphans. A lot of the kids lived with grandparents. They all had places to sleep, but they lived in sad situations. Most of them just needed to be loved. You could tell by the look in their eyes and the way they all pushed for attention. It was cool to see that connections could be made without language, since this was literally impossible with such a young age group. We are going back there tomorrow and I hope I can show them a glimpse of God's love. It was amazing to see the joy  of the kids as they sang praise songs, and great to see the heart of the teacher, and the caregivers who made all the kids lunch, provided by the church there. Just another example of Swazi love.

                                                           Until Then,
                                                          Holly Peffer